What I’m learning

- I suck at blogging. I want to be great, but it’s just not in me.
- Ha. I’m also horrible at proof reading.
- Over the past 30 days I have become much more self-aware.
- I like to think I’m much smarter than I really am.
- The longer I lead people the more I realize I must continue to grow as a leader.
- I’m 29 and I feel like I’m just discovering who I am.
- I love my kids so bad it hurts me.
- There is rarely a sure thing.
- I don’t NEED twitter and facebook. At all.
- I need to focus much more on what I’m good at and much less on what I’m not.
- I have to constantly be learning more about those close to me.
- My wife is much more selfless than I
- I REALLY enjoy getting organized.
- I REALLY hate being unorganized.
- I REALLY never thought I would care about the previous two things, but I do.
- Friendship requires work
- It’s too easy to get ticked about 1 thing and forget everything else that I take for granted
- Many people would kill to have my job
- I really like the people I work with
- If I weren’t married I would try and date Natalie Portman…at least once.
- Once I get out of a routine it’s hard to recover
- I don’t spend nearly as much time with my dad as I would like
- It’s more important what I do when no one is looking than what I say to 1,000 people from stage
- God is too good to me

Album of the year

 

Becoming someone

My sister-in-law Amanda moved to Australia recently to do some mission work. Before she left she lived with us for about six months. Before she lived with us she lived in Australia. Before she lived in Australia (the first time) she lived with us. Yes, it’s kind of hard to explain.

From me, working at a church, it’s easy to lose focus on the incremental changes that occur in someone’s life. I work with many of the same people week after week, month after month, and year after year. Being close to people and staying connected has a way of fogging the lens in which you could normally see them grow and mature. It’s no different with children. Parents look at each other and say, “when did our baby grow up?”. It’s the same idea. Maturing usually comes by surprise but when you look back you can see all sorts of clues that it has been occuring for quite some time.

Amanda is a great example of this. We have been fairly close for 11 years now and even the seasons that we weren’t really close she stayed connected with my wife Christina (her sister). Looking back over the last few years of Amanda’s life in can clearly see that she was being shaped into who she is today. The interesting thing is that until recently I never really stopped seeing her as my teenage sister dating Brandon Grummer. I mean, there were times when I saw her for herself, but by default I still saw a girl who lacked confidence, who didn’t realize what she had to offer, and who didn’t realize that God wanted to do really cool things through her. But a couple of months ago, I started to see someone new. Someone different. Someone who might not have known what the exact direction of her life would be, but was okay with that. I saw her as someone completely different, for various reasons.

To wrap this up, I say all of this to ask you a question. Is there someone in your life that you are overlooking? Someone that you are possibly seeing as an older version of theirself? Maybe you don’t even know that you are doing it. One day you’ll wake up and say to yourself, “when did they change so much?”. Well, the answer is now. They are changing right in front of you. And you have two choices: ignore the change and remember them as that person in the past, or acknowledge the change and help encourage them and pull the beauty out of hiding. Because like it or not, we are all surrounded by people that are growing into amazing individuals, all you need to do is open your eyes.

Photo shoot preview

Courtesy of Joseph Stagnaro

Keeping fresh

I recently heard 3 things from Rick Warren about personal time and the importance of sabbath.  The following are notes I made while he was talking about keeping fresh:

1. Divert daily- What gives you joy? A hot cup of coffee? Wrestling with your kids? A quiet evening on the back porch? Make a list of things that gives you joy, that fills you up, and spend time doing something from that list everyday.

2. Withdraw weekly- You need to be taking a day off every week.  If you aren’t Sabbathing you are operating outside of how you were created.  You need a day every week that your to-do list is hidden, that your email isn’t opened, and your phone isn’t picked up unless you’re ordering pizza.

3. Abandon yearly- Some call this vacation.  But most people end up working on vacation or answering calls, emails, voicemails, etc.  You need a time every year when you disappear and you can’t be reaching.  I know, it sounds impossible.  What if someone needs me?  What if someone gets hurt?  What if something falls apart at work?  I’m not sure what to tell you.  Figure out one person that can contact you in case of an emergency that is family related and deal with everything else later.

Now, what do I do with this?  How can I follow this without putting the world as I know it in jeopardy?  I guess that’s the problem….I think God needs me to hold everything together.

The real credit

Our student ministry does 3 camps/retreats a year.  Yesterday ended our fall retreat, Vertical Reality.  Over the weekend we saw God do some amazing things in the lives of our students and as I expected, all of the hard work we put into VR was worth it.  As I am reflecting on the weekend I can’t help but think about all of the people that went above and beyond to make sure things got done.  The volunteers that gave their time and sleep the entire weekend, the spouses who had to carry a bigger responsibility at home because of staff spending late nights working in preparation, and the small group leaders who took a weekend away from the lives and families were the ones that allowed God to work through the weekend.

While a couple of us had all of the stage time, these people are where the real credit belongs.  Without them this weekend would have been just 2 or 3 guys pushing a rock up a hill.  I’m so thankful for being surrounded with selfless people who see God doing something and jumping on board.  My life is so much more beautiful because you are in it.

10 ways to lose respect

I’ve been in and around leadership for 11 years now.  I spent most of that time oblivious to other people’s feelings or respect.  Here are 10 lessons, 10 ways, to lose respect.  I have been guilty of them all and still have to consistently fight falling victim to them.  In a way, this list is a reminder of what I need to stay away from.  Maybe it will help you gain some respect in the relationships you have.

1. Dishonesty.  Someone who makes a habit of lying to people, regardless of the reason.   This can also appear as embellishing or exaggerating.  People aren’t dumb.  They can see when you aren’t being truthful and it destroys your ability to speak truth….because people see you as dishonest.

2. False humility.  Acting (in public) like you don’t realize how talented you are when you are privately full of yourself.

3. Pride. This is easy to spot when people talk to you.  Pride is automatically dismissing what others say because you think what you’re saying is better.  Pride is thinking that you have the best idea, answer, or ability in every area.

4. Lazy. Lacking motivation.  To risk making a difference in the world because you are sleeping in or don’t care what you spend your time on.

5. Withhold encouragement.  Kind words and verbal rewards are free.  And they are one of the best ways to let people know that you care and they should be given abundantly and often.  If you have a hard time finding at least SOMETHING encouraging to say to every person you are around see #3.

6.  Lacking compassion. People are hurting all around but you don’t see it, don’t care, or are inconvenienced by helping/listening.  See #3 and #9.

7. Gossip.  Spreading drama or unnecessary details with your mouth.

8. Know it all.  Someone who is unwilling to learn from a “nobody”.  Only learning from others who have a bigger title, more experience, or a higher salary.  See #3.

9. Entitlement. Acting like you deserve what you have.  Also known as being ungrateful.   Typically partnered with #6.

10. Two faced. Saying one thing and doing another.  Giving different accounts or stories based on who is listening.  See #1.  Sometimes associated with #7.

Again these are all things I struggle with, but as I am more aware of there danger the relationships in my life grow stronger.

Hardest year of my life

Looking back at the last year, this is easily the most difficult year I’ve ever had.  New responsibilities.  Growing kids.  Growing ministry.  Staying at home with my kids while working a full time job as a youth pastor.  Bills.  Honey-do lists.  Home repairs.  Stressful relationships.  My best friend left the country for a year.  And so on.  Here’s the awesome thing:  As hard as the last 12 months have been, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  God has challenged me to raise the bar as a father and my children will never be the same because of this time.  I have learned so much about myself, my family and my job that it’s scary.  I have learned that I NEED other people to help me.  I’m not superman, not even clark kent.

After all of the whining and complaining in the middle of this season, I feel like I’m finally beginning to understand why God allowed this year to happen this way.  I must stop asking the question, “How am I going to do all of this?” and start asking, “What am I going to do with all of this?”.  Every stressful situation that we face is an opportunity to put God on display.  I’ve always thought that I have to struggle through this time, but God hasn’t given me all of this to struggle.  He has given me all of this to shine.  Big difference between the two…

What are you up against right now?  What are you afraid is about to fall apart?  God didn’t give that to you to destroy you.  He gave it to you for put him on display.  Maybe it’s time for a change in perspective.

Suits, ties, and dirty carpet.

I was once told that if I wanted to be a part of __________ Baptist Church that I would need to dress more appropriately next time I returned.  Honestly, I didn’t want to be a part of that church.  I thought they were stupid.  I didn’t really care too much about God either.  But for a teenager to hear that my jeans weren’t good enough for God really threw me for a loop.  I didn’t know whether these people had it all wrong or I was just missing it.  Either way I wasn’t changing my clothes, especially since the alcoholic deacon told me to.

You see, I have a unique perspective on God.  I didn’t really grow up in church so I don’t have a lot of the spiritual baggage that most life long Christians have from arguing over the color of the choir robes and scent of the bathroom spray.  I am able to simply ask God, “what do you think about this?” with an open mind.

I know this isn’t a popular opinion and it may seem to lend to my style, but here you go.  I don’t think God is concerned about you wearing your suit and tie to church.  I don’t think God is concerned with there being a spot on the carpet next to the fancy stained glass window.  I don’t think God is concerned about having chairs or pews. I don’t think God is concerned about the color of your logo.  But God IS concerned about what you are concerned about.  He sees your heart and what you spend your life chasing.  And if you are chasing anything outside of him, you are wasting your shot.

Love God.  Love others.  Screw the stuff that doesn’t matter.  Because 100 years from now, the ONLY thing that will matter is someone’s relationship with God.

I wish I could take that back

Have you ever found yourself saying, “If I could only do it over again”, or “I wish I could go back in time”?  There are two types of emotions that are at the base of these comments.

1. Joy.  You experienced something that brought you joy and you want to be able to have that time back or you wish that you could have slowed time down during that event.

2. Regret.  You made a poor choice or said something (or didn’t say something) that you should have.  You hurt someone or you screwed up a really great opportunity.  Anytime you look back and wish you could have done things differently, that’s regret.

I want to give you some thoughts and my experience on the latter, regret.  If you know me at all you know that I’m a pretty transparent person.  Transparent to a fault sometimes, but never-the-less I am an open book.  My life is full of situations when I have made a mess of things.  I have squandered great opportunities, I have made really stupid choices, or I have simply not considered other people as I am being wreckless with my life.

There have been many days that I have found myself saying, “I wish I could take that back” or “Man, I really messed that up”.  I have made such a mess of things that I thought there was no redeeming that situation.  Much of my life story looks like the aftermath of a tornado.  Pieces of shrapnel laying everywhere and people left to clean up the destruction.  “Nothing good can happen from this”, I would say.  But the more I learn about God and the more I look at my life, the more I’m convinced that I’m wrong.

Time and time again God has taking the mess that I have made out of something and he has made it beautiful.  Let me give you an example of his grace.  In high school I was a punk.  And I’m not talking about my style, I was an idiot.  I made bad choice after bad choice (for sake of time I’ll talk details later).  I didn’t care about anyone other than myself and feeling instant gratification through my decisions.  I know what it’s like to walk in the shoes of a middle-of-the-road high schooler who could fall into almost anything and no one would be surprised.

Here’s the amazing thing.  God has not only brought healing into many of those situations, he has given me the opportunity to reconcile relationship after relationship.  The most amazing thing is this; I’m a youth pastor now.  I have the privilege every single week of sharing my heart, my story, my mistakes, and my passion for God with students.  God has not only redeemed my past and all of those times that I wish I could get back, he has given me a platform to speak into the people that can learn the most from my mistakes.

If I had to give you one sentence that describes my life it would be this: God has taken the mess that I have made out of my life,  healed it and created something beautiful out of it.

That’s right.  God makes something beautiful out of the dumb things you do.  That’s what he does.  He restores you, he redeems you, he gives you hope, he heals all of the places you regret, and he loves you and pursues you.

So as you read this I hope that God speaks to you and tells you that there is nothing, not any situation that is beyond him.  He can make something beautiful out of your mess too.  All you have to do is stop looking at the past and start walking into the future.  I future filled with hope.